It’s been close to 8 weeks since I had a life-changing operation to fix a problem that’s been with me for 4 years. Reading back my last post, right before going into hospital, I can see how anxious I was!
And I was pretty scared. I remember lying on the bed waiting to be knocked out and not being able to control my shaking. 8 weeks later and I still have an uncertain future.
The first couple of weeks were, literally, agony. My life revolved around lying in bed watching Netflix, taking medication (3 different painkillers, an antibiotic, an incontinence pill, and mild laxatives, not to mention anti blood clotting and anti nausea jags in hospital), eating and emptying the catheter bag. Having the catheter was probably the single most regularly painful and inconvenient thing to deal with over 2 weeks. The relief when it came out was amazing!
But that was only one thing dealt with. I had another 3 or 4 weeks of poor sleep, regular pain and generally sitting around looking at the best weather of the year (so far) from inside the house.
I don’t think anything prepares you for how slow recovery from major surgery can be. I was told 6-8 weeks for pretty much full recovery, but while things are certainly much much better now than, say, 7 weeks ago, I still feel a long way off being recovered. I think this has been the hardest part: dealing with expectations of what I should vs. what I am feeling like.
Dealing with pain on a regular basis (I still am, but manage without painkillers now), poor sleep, boredom, physical inactivity, and (despite my wonderful friends visiting regularly) a lack of human interaction day-to-day all takes somewhat of a mental toll. It’s hard to pick oneself back up, shake off the beating and get back to something resembling a ‘normal’ life.
Added to this, I am not certain the operation has – or will – fully resolved the problem. I’m certainly very concerned about one aspect, and while I try and ignore it, it’s almost impossible to do so. I will see the surgeon in a couple of months to review this, so there’s still time yet for improvement.
In the meantime, this is my last week booked off work, and I’ve been up and about trying to get back into the swing of leading a normal active life. Being back at work will help; it will certainly keep me extremely busy, and I’m looking forward to not being on my own for large parts of the day.
So, onward, and hopefully upward. The adage of ‘one step at a time’ feels appropriate here. As does ‘keep on trucking’.